My Baby Turned "5" Today!!!!
Well, we survived birthday number five! With all the magic of an underwater adventure with Cammy Baldwin staring as Princess Ariel and seven of her closest princess friends. We all had a blast once the festivities began. It was a little rough getting things ready, but we managed to pull it off without a hitch, well minus the blue jello with gummy fish that didn't set to well. Oh well, all in all it was a lovely day thanks to my wonderful helpers, Keith and Hannah. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much, I love you both.
I wish I had a current photo of the party to post, but to no avail. We in the middle of camera crisis. This photo was recently taken on our Hawaiian vacation with Cammy holding her breath in a make-believe "underwater" shot. :) She's so funny.
I love my birthday girl. Happy Birthday Camryn Alyse Baldwin.
Wake Up!
Once again, I am awakened in the middle of the night (or morning I should say, 3:00 a.m., to be exact) to thoughts on my mind. Tossing and turning, I can't get back to sleep. (Yeah, there's a song in there, just too tired to figure it out). Frustrated, because the thoughts I have are so mundane...... paint color of all things. I'm in the middle of painting the bathroom so, of course, it seems logical to be awakened so early by such important details.....NOT!!!
So I start talking to God.
I begin by just trying to divert my attention from paint issues. I begin by entering in a conversation about confidence in myself and my decisions, or rather lack thereof. This conversation goes on as I begin realizing how indecisive I have been in so many things lately. I pray and try to go back to sleep.
More tossing and turning, thoughts of paint and here I am again. Okay, God, I guess we're not finished yet. You must have more for me.
I enter again into conversation and this time I have an awful thought of a fire in our house. I don't know if you ever have those morbid thoughts, but I do and in this one I need to save Cammy. I wrap a water-soaked blanket around me and dive roll into her bedroom, grab her, and roll back out. She's not breathing. We're outside, we have no phone, its 3:00 in the morning and I'm yelling, call 911! I say, No, God, not my baby.....and through tears, try to dismiss that thought quickly.
I get up to check on my babies. They're sleeping peacefully. Thank you, Lord.
I continue my conversation with God about life and death. We've had this conversation before, but here it is again. I know we all have to die sometime, but I would just rather me die before my kids, I mean we all do, right? So flashing through various thoughts, now I'm seeing me or Keith having some sort of terminal illness and our kids and the other spouse left to pick up the pieces.
"I know God, I need to rely solely on you for comfort and peace. I don't know how long I have or any of us have. You hold all the cards. You are totally in control. I know You will never leave me. It's just hard because while I know you are there I can't always see you or touch you or hug you......."
Hush my child, He says. I AM with you. I AM physically manifested in your family. I AM in your husband, your kids, your friends, your family. You can touch me anytime. Now sleep.
I awoke this morning remembering my conversations with God. How precious life really is and how thankful I am for my family. More than words can ever describe.
I love each and every one of you in the deepest possible sense.
