How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways .....
So I was up way too late last night trying to figure out this thing called, "love."
I know how to love God…. at least I think I do. I have a relationship with Him. I talk to him about anything, about everything. He is the only one who truly knows me inside and out; even more than I know myself. He knows my motives; my intentions; my crazy way of thinking. He knows ME. I am seeking to know Him. I have allowed Him into my heart to share an intimacy that none other can.
I love my husband. We too share an intimacy that cannot be duplicated. He knows me, knows my heart. I know him; his heart. We have experienced much of our lives together. Good times, bad times, ups, downs, ins, outs, been there done that, life together.......time together.
I love my kids… it goes without saying. I love my family, my friends. I know them. They know me. We share our joys, our struggles. We learn from each other. We laugh together, cry together, eat together, pray together, play together.
I get it. I know it. I feel it.
So what is it then, this "love" that I am trying to figure out?
How do I love those I don’t know? I know I am supposed to love “my neighbor.” Sure is easy to “say” I love them …..it’s just a word. But how do I honestly “really” love them …I mean without the relationship already built in and without just “doing” acts of kindness?
Or what about those I don’t necessarily like or have been hurt by or disagree with? I know we are commanded to love our enemies, but how, beyond the word? How can I love them deeply in my heart?
For me the love I experience has been built over time. With the exception of my kids, the loves in my life have been pursued; have been formed from a relationship. The only love I’ve ever known unconditionally, before I ever saw them or knew them, was my kids. I suppose the kind of love that our heavenly Father has for us.
So how do I have THAT kind of love for complete strangers, or my so called “enemies?” I don’t want to just say it, or do it, because I’m supposed to. I want to get it; know it; feel it.
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
What I'm feeling ...
I'm trying to capture what it is I have been feeling these past few days and this picture really says it all for me. I am surrounded by wonderful, beautiful things; my family, my friends, my community and yet, my heart still aches.
I know the decision for our family to stay here, is the right decision for us at this time. The relief that this has brought for my husband is worth it alone. I know it has not been an easy place for him to be and his desire is for my happiness. So sweet. I want to be happy. There is no reason for me not to be happy, I just don't know how right now.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I am surrounded by so much love, but for today, for me, a little melancholy.
Thanks for listening.
Against the Wind ....
.....we were running against the wind. We were young and strong, we were running against the wind.
I couldn't help but think of that song as we were hiking this morning. It was tremendously windy at the top of the hill on Pena Adobe. As we began our running portion of the hike were were literally running against the wind. I found it took much more effort. My breathing became more labored. The muscles in my legs were burning. My gait slowed down and the intensity increased. I couldn't look ahead cause my eyes were watering like crazy. I could only look down on the path in front of me. Looking only at each step that I took.
I have always related the wind to the Holy Spirit in my life. The Spirit that guides me; that teaches and trains me in the way I should go.
I felt like God was showing me that it's not easy, this life we live. That it takes work and effort and perseverance. That I should not always look ahead, but only what is right in front of me.
As I was straining to make it through a real strenuous time against the wind, I felt it shift and come along side of me for awhile, which made it a little easier and then actually come up behind me and in fact pushed me through to the end.
How awesome is our God that He is our personal trainer. He encourages us when it gets tough, comes along side us when we're slowing down and picks us up and carries us when we have nothing left.
I love you Lord.
New Beginnings
Well, the last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions.
Where do I begin.
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you feel that it is not goodbye. When you know in your heart that God has so much more......
so where do I begin.
Looking back at how God has blessed me with such awesome friends. The relationships that were even more strengthened in just these past few days....
so where do I begin.
Feelings of joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. Feeling secure and afraid, hoping and doubtful .....
so where do I begin.
Today.
I begin today.
It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 (Amplified Bible)
I begin today.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)
I begin today.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Philippians 3:15-15 (The Message)
Thank you Lord!
